There is no escaping, is there?

rage. frustration. hurt. why?

i don’t deserve all the love you have given me. I don’t think you fully understand..because you still continue to love me no matter how much i hit you, scratch you bite you or emotionally abuse you…

  i was reading through your tumblr..and saw the post about how great it is that i do this…

then i saw how she made you feel so warm and wonderful..and i wander to myself why couldn’t i be that person? i feel like i’m not enough for you…

maybe i shouldn’t have pressured you into sex…i’m pretty sure that fucked a lot of things over…and i put full blame onto myself..x_x

i want to seclude myself and just be alone forever…but then i would get lonely and want you back..that’s what always happens, ill leave you…then want you back..i know it sounds terrible…but it in a way just keeps telling me how much i really don’t want anyone else. I know im only 16-17 in 2 months :D:D:D- but i know how i feel as of now, and honestly thats what matters to me. i cant reasuringly say i will b with you for the rest of my life. i dont know i that will happen, but i sure as hell can hope i will be..

ugh…so conflicted… FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! honestly..i want to show you how much it hurt me, and how much i HATE the lying and dceitfullness. and when ever i do you just make me feel bad for being so upset….maybe you have finally learned your lesson…and only time can tell. if i want to see your phone..or computer..let me. because you not letting me is just putting endless suspicion into my brain, eating its way through my whole body making me want to just EXPLODE!…..


uugghh…good bye for now tumblr..

Your not welcome!!

JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE EXCEPT THE BITCH!!!!

X_X

it bothers me it bothers me  it really bothers me.

i shouldnt let it…but it does -.- i have no idea whats really going on…

the secritiveness..for so long….ugh…

am in the wrong place to feel such ways?

i dont think so….ugh…

an he wont answer the phone so i can tell him…

im sorry hun, but i just….dont want to have to feel on edge all the time..

you probably..most deffinately wont see thiss…

ughhghuuugghhhhhh.!!!





im going to rip my brain out!!!!!!

The days have been dragging along. I wish I could just fly by it all but of course that is impossible. Exams start Friday, and end Wednesday the next week. Thankfully there is that weekend before they all truly start. Math is Friday, and I really cannot wait to get it over and done with. I’m not worried about the others at all, maybe French just a tad bit…

Im so tired….x-x
I males for like three hours yesterday, and went to bed early..
I’m frustrated, and annoyed with life in general. And most of the people around me. Not everybody…but practically everybody -.-
Alright I’m sick of typing..

no internet

….._.

its ben far too long my dear..

What it like to not feel like this?

i honestly cannot remember..

…

i think my lost guys…
I’m wandering down this street..not really recognizing a single thing.

i feel like me, but then again what exactly does ME feel like?

Somewhere along this street i find houses…empty, boarded up houses. i feel the presence of people but the wood in the windows won’t allow me to know for sure. its probably all in my head..just like these houses..this street…

But, what if its not? what if its you that’s just i my head? what if this street and these odd empty houses are what’s really true?

who is to even say?

Shit, shit. ………Shit!

i feel like shit. i am shit. i’m a shitty person and i know it. sad thing is i never really do much to stop all the shit i do.

i just keep smokin pot, sneaking out and going to parties or hangin out with a housefull of people i don’t even know..
and i keep hurting the people around me, as far as i can see.
well. i guess i just continue on to feel like shit and drowning in my damn ocean

why can’t i let anybody help me? i dont know..i guess i feel like i dont deserve a damn thing i’m being given…all this..help…its soo much..too much maybe.

hell if i know.ill always be drowning. im a fucked up person…and no matter how much i don’t want to i push away the people i need to keep close…i just wont stop. I don’t even try to push anybody away..but i still do. and i never fail to upset them when i do so.

i honestly have no idea what else i can say…

i need to take photos..i have pictures due on monday…x-x i havent even taken a single photo for my portfolio. theres too many things going on around me and i get to busy with life..but honestly if i really want to be doing all of this it needs to be one of the larger priorities in my life. blech.

maybe if i paint tonight…i can release all the stress…

then the photoshoot shall..hopefully..be a breeze!!

blech…so muh water in my lungs..i dont think i can breathe anymore..

Drowning

when she’s lost out at sea..no one seems to notice

when she is running aimlessly into the darkness her light is too busy to direct her,

when she is drowning in the deep blue ocean of decay..the only one there to save her is her blades.

good night tumblr